Kowabunga

(Colma, CA) Hillary Clinton made one of her famous campaign stops in Colma today, where she hosted a midnight rally at the Hills of Eternity located in the heart of the City of the Dead. Colma seems like an unusual place to hold a campaign rally as it is best known for two things: cemeteries and car dealerships. It was not the auto dealerships to which she was making her appeal.

"After the remarkable awakening of the dead in the State of Washington during the 2004 election cycle, it seems only natural to appeal to the dearly departed across the country in 2008. This is the first on my list of campaign stops to solicit the living dead for their votes in the upcoming election," Senator Clinton said.

Clinton went on to state that just because the living dead are, well, dead, doesn't mean they should be denied the right to vote. Clinton also noted that the State of Washington is on record as extending the franchise to zombies and other creatures of the night in 2004 which helped put Christine Gregoire over the top with a very narrow 129 votes after recounts.

"Minnesota is also a prime target for my campaign to gain the franchise for the living dead. I'll have to compete with Jonathon Sharkey for the vote of the zombie there as he is the current front-runner amongst the living dead," Clinton said.

She quick to squash reports that Sharkey is on her short list of potential running mates, should she secure the Democratic Nomination in the primaries, as a means to shore up her support with the undead. "Sharkey is a big hit in Minnesota amongst his fellow vampires and other denizens of darkness, but he has failed to catch fire with the living dead in other states, especially in Indiana," Clinton said. "Besides, he has to watch out for all those Republicans with wooden stakes. It's only a matter of time before Buffy catches up to him."

When asked what she could do for the living dead should she be elected president, Clinton was quick to respond by citing her Universal Healthcare Plan would give the undead improved access to blood and tissue banks, as well as transplant donors. "Just think, a pint of blood for every vampire and a brain for every zombie," Clinton quipped.

"I would also make it a Federal Felony to be armed with wooden stakes, thus protecting vampires from self-proclaimed vampire slayers like Buffy."

Senator Clinton will be making additional campaign stops at Forest Lawn in Glendale and Hollywood Forever, both in California, with additional stops planned in areas known for large amounts of undead activity.

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Hillary Clinton Democrat Liberal Satire Undead Living Dead Zombies